Wives, be Subject to Your Husbands

Raise your hand if that title makes you cringe.

This phrase calls to mind an image of femininity that is frankly offensive to the modern woman. At first, it sounds like St. Paul is saying wives are inferior to their husbands, an idea which strikes our hearts to the core. We think, No! Men and women are equal!

And we would be absolutely right! Pope Saint John Paul II has written a beautiful and clear explanation of this verse to that effect, which is definitely worth a read!

To be honest though, before marrying Aaron, a part of me would still cringe when this verse was read at weddings. It was just really hard for me to fathom how being subject to another person -even in love- is anything other than inferiority.

There's so much to talk about on this topic of love and being subject to another...but I'll just stick to the one thing that made it all concrete for me in my own marriage.

As Aaron and I celebrate our 1st anniversary, I've made a small realization which I'd like to share with any other strong females out there.

When I married Aaron, I knew with certainty that he loved me, and that our love for each other was that of equals. He respects me, and I respect him. When I state my opinion, Aaron listens, like actually listens, and I value his opinions in return. Throughout the past year, we've had to learn the art of developing principles which guide our actions together. (2020 is quite a year so far!)

But there's something else too.

This summer, I was eavesdropping on a Dad Conversation. You know, the kind where all the men are chatting/drinking/smoking outside and having deep conversation. Well, inevitably the conversation turned to politics, religion, and current events. I listened to Aaron state his ideas, pepper his elders with thoughtful questions, and inspire his male peers with duty to faith, family, and country; and I just thought, "I'd go to war with this man if he asked me to."

It all became really clear to me in that moment. I'm opinionated, strong-headed, and full of passion (my parents raised me that way), but there's a true and real sense in which Aaron is the head of my family now. He is my leader and king.

I never would have admitted that before. I would have said, "But I'm the queen," immediately afterwards, with a touch of indignance in my voice. Yes, I am the queen, ruler of his heart and a motivating force in his life.

However.

A soldier who stands behind a leader they believe in does not feel belittled or powerless. He is inspired, full of confidence, and empowered. A good leader does not lead without love for those following him, he stands before his army to take the first blow, to lay his life down as an example.

Mary followed Joseph in the dead of night to Egypt as he fought to protect his family. In spite of the fact that he was not her equal in holiness or virtue, she followed him because she believed in him. Whatever cause he was fighting, whatever he thought it best to do, she trusted him to be a good and faithful husband, father, and leader in the Holy Family.

Don't get me wrong, the relationship of husband and wife isn't that of completely blind obedience. We all know very well that our husbands aren't perfect! Wives, guide your husbands and inspire them to be greater, more virtuous, and reasonable. A good man will listen to you and respect you.

But wives, trust him to lead you! Trust that he loves you and has your best interest at heart, and follow him into whatever battle you're fighting.

Our first dance song was "I Will Follow You" by Ricky Nelson. Fitting, isn't it? Totally unintentional 😆

All photographs by the lovely Sarah Wirth Photography

Are you married?

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